2011. Another year.
I am looking at 2011 with great enthusiasm. Not only were my hopes renewed, but I have found fervor again. My professional life which had been on a standstill for so many many years have moved. At 50, it may sound like, what? this late? well, better late than never. I am happy not because I got promoted. I am happy because something in my life moved. A sense of hope. A sense of looking forward to something. My life has been in a pause mode and somebody must have clicked the play button.
I look at 2011 as a rebirth. How many times have I been reborn? Many times. How many times have catharsis set in? Many times. I might as well consider myself immaculately disinfected! Lols.
What do I see in 2011? More work for sure. As if there was a dearth of things to do. I will earn my MBA in 2011. It took me so long to fulfill this dream. But again, it is never too late.
What do I need to learn in 2011? To be more patient. Again and again. I think I have mellowed already. I have a clear understanding that life must be felt and must be savored. One thing though... I will not forsake my health for the sake of work. There goes the dividing line. I work because I love working but not to the extent of sacrificing the "me". Health especially. That would be an ongoing motto. Doing better.. we will see. I have my limits and I am not blind to those limits. Maybe I am only getting what should have been mine long ago.
I would like to see myself in a flux of balance. Productive. Serene. Happy. But I know that is wishful thinking. But I understand life to be like that. Challenges that need to be faced head-on. It cannot be helped that not all in life is a "bed of roses". There are sacrifices. There are limits. There are obstacles.
But those can be overcome. As I have overcome. Many times over. In 2011, I see an equilibrium of hopes and challenges. How I face it depends on how I view things in the years to come.
I just wish that I can gain more wisdom as I grow. At 50, I would like to think that I have saved more than enough wisdom. But no. Life is continuous and there is no absence of learning. In all aspects.
I view the next decade of my life as a fulfillment of dreams that I have set many many years. Though it came belatedly, I am more than stubborn to achieve it. And achieve I will with the patience of Job.
I would like to share the incoming year with you - with much hope and meaning. The younger set would not understand what I am saying but they will eventually learn. Just I have learned. Just as you have learned.
To my friends - there can be no turning back. We cannot anymore "unfriend" each other. We have more than enough goulash that we can still stick without much rancor, hindi ba? lols.
Join me as we celebrate the incoming year with gusto and happiness.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Sunday, March 07, 2010
A Belated Valentine ...
In My Realm
The world in a Jugular – In Life and Love
It is perhaps with profuse thinking, that I happen to let things go their own way without giving a thought. Perhaps, the inanity in life swells so gingerly that I cannot help but think, oh, is this so?
Nothing in the world will ever make me feel downtrodden. If ever, I will keep it to myself. I am obtusely attracted to the wisdom not often heard in this world. I am attuned to the blight paradigm of nonsense indiscretion for I find valor in liking things that do not seem right at all.
Maybe, the casual tenderness is mismatched. Maybe, the doing is incomplete. Maybe, life is a frenzied toil of human frivolities. I am not accustomed to making guesses; it is just a waste of time. I am more predisposed to render an apathetic view of things, just to look cynical and objective. More so, if the feelings are attached, I do detach more than necessary.
This paradox of empathy is one way of saying, back off!
Look around you – the world is aghast at its transgression. But it does not want to admit it. For the nefarious and nihilistic crave is dominant.
The compassion for understanding is muted. It ill behooves the imagination that the lingering for hope is like looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Many times over, we fight with our wicked mind and juggle the thoughts are supposed to be prudish and yet, we succumb more to the imagination that seem unperturbed.
Ah this world, this wonderful world is just an illusion. I have no notion of serenity for the calm and the serene are the very reason of a maddening world.
Ah life!
Ah yes, what a life. A forsaken forlorn. Like love. Just it justifies the emotions? Many years back, I am without a direction because I fell in love. Not bad considering that I was truly in love. And the risk I have to take was about to engulf a drastic change in me. Yes, it was the greatest risk. And if I was able to embark on that risk and challenged it, would I be present now, writing this piece? I doubt. The emotional challenge is too much that even the strongest will waver in their keels. I fell in love with the wrong person. The second person destined to wreck havoc in my life did really destroy me.
A typical mistake amongst us. We think we are in love. We think that love is paradise. We forget that love is like a time bomb waiting to explode. Containing it is a craft. Containing it both is a must. But when one is really not bent on saving it, then we are not talking of a relationship. When one can easily give up, because it is convenient? This was supposed to be a happy one. But I feel that for most to understand, love is not simply – hey, was sup, I miss you, I love you, take care, see you later, what are you doing? , I cannot sleep, can I have a kiss? Etc, etc.
Love is life. And life is harsh. But life is simple. Love is simple. Many fall prey to the notions that love is like a rainbow drizzling in vivid colors. Many fall prey to the illusion of glittering vibrancy that love is wonderful. Yes, no doubt. But love is pain as well. That we have to endure.
belated Happy Valentine’s month to all!
The world in a Jugular – In Life and Love
It is perhaps with profuse thinking, that I happen to let things go their own way without giving a thought. Perhaps, the inanity in life swells so gingerly that I cannot help but think, oh, is this so?
Nothing in the world will ever make me feel downtrodden. If ever, I will keep it to myself. I am obtusely attracted to the wisdom not often heard in this world. I am attuned to the blight paradigm of nonsense indiscretion for I find valor in liking things that do not seem right at all.
Maybe, the casual tenderness is mismatched. Maybe, the doing is incomplete. Maybe, life is a frenzied toil of human frivolities. I am not accustomed to making guesses; it is just a waste of time. I am more predisposed to render an apathetic view of things, just to look cynical and objective. More so, if the feelings are attached, I do detach more than necessary.
This paradox of empathy is one way of saying, back off!
Look around you – the world is aghast at its transgression. But it does not want to admit it. For the nefarious and nihilistic crave is dominant.
The compassion for understanding is muted. It ill behooves the imagination that the lingering for hope is like looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Many times over, we fight with our wicked mind and juggle the thoughts are supposed to be prudish and yet, we succumb more to the imagination that seem unperturbed.
Ah this world, this wonderful world is just an illusion. I have no notion of serenity for the calm and the serene are the very reason of a maddening world.
Ah life!
Ah yes, what a life. A forsaken forlorn. Like love. Just it justifies the emotions? Many years back, I am without a direction because I fell in love. Not bad considering that I was truly in love. And the risk I have to take was about to engulf a drastic change in me. Yes, it was the greatest risk. And if I was able to embark on that risk and challenged it, would I be present now, writing this piece? I doubt. The emotional challenge is too much that even the strongest will waver in their keels. I fell in love with the wrong person. The second person destined to wreck havoc in my life did really destroy me.
A typical mistake amongst us. We think we are in love. We think that love is paradise. We forget that love is like a time bomb waiting to explode. Containing it is a craft. Containing it both is a must. But when one is really not bent on saving it, then we are not talking of a relationship. When one can easily give up, because it is convenient? This was supposed to be a happy one. But I feel that for most to understand, love is not simply – hey, was sup, I miss you, I love you, take care, see you later, what are you doing? , I cannot sleep, can I have a kiss? Etc, etc.
Love is life. And life is harsh. But life is simple. Love is simple. Many fall prey to the notions that love is like a rainbow drizzling in vivid colors. Many fall prey to the illusion of glittering vibrancy that love is wonderful. Yes, no doubt. But love is pain as well. That we have to endure.
belated Happy Valentine’s month to all!
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Against the Noynoy euphoria - Part 1
I have been losing "friends" in my Facebook network and all because of my stand on Noynoy. Perhaps, I could have resorted to a more sober sarcasm, but then, how do you fight off a very popular "non-figure"?
Perhaps,again, in my impulsive tirade of him, I have been annoying a lot of "friends". But that is beside the point. I have never taken such stance as compared when Erap won the Presidency. It is the feeling of reverse emotional paranoia that is unsettling me. Why NoyNoy in the first place?
I place value unwittingly. Unconditional. And no pretense. I have yet to see someone who possess such a virtue of detached cynicism. Noynoy does not carry with him these elements. In fact, he is someone who cannot command a majority and will be swallowed in the gumption of crocodiles disguising themselves as patriots, when in fact, they have their own interests to protect.
The cynic in me tells me that no matter how much integrity one has, unless a "doer" persona is evident, then all of this euphoria for the resurgence of an Aquino legacy will go for naught. Cory had her days when she became President. She could have made a difference. But she did not. She succumbed to the demands of her class and she did not heed the greater interest, but who can go against her then? Except a few perhaps for she was the darling that time. I am seeing a repeat in a Noynoy presidency.
I am deeply scared of such. The absence of a substantial element in Noynoy's persona and background is simply unnerving. I can simply believe and be bought because for the reason that he is an Aquino. He must be his own man. And I cannot see the Ninoy in him. The protestations that he is a simpleton in the political arena because he keeps a safe distance from the laborious undertakings of legislative life is just astounding and it is perhaps arrogant for him to delve into a more complex tasks of being a President! I cannot reconcile how I can vote for somebody who I see as lameduck, with only the Aquino name backing him up, and nothing more, to run this country with the promise of change. I do not even see the charisma, unless I am blinded by the belief that he is an ineffectual leader?
The Philippines is a complex nation. We are the surprise of this planet. We are so malleable that many are in awe because we have survived. The irony of it all, is that we have survived because of an unpopular President! Am I to use this analogy for me to even consider giving Noynoy that chance? The answer is NO.
At this juncture in our political life, we are beset and must make an objective assessment of the future, of things we wanted to be in the future. We have done far more experimentation with our choice of leaders. And each time, we are not satisfied. Can Noynoy unite us? I doubt. He may win the plurality votes, but how is that different from the Presidents that preceded him? NONE. I would only believe if he wins the MAJORITY votes for the Presidency and I will concede.
Come to think of it. It is us that enables the Presidency. It is us that will define the future of this country. And we do not take action for it. The supporters of Noynoy is parroting the oft familiar line.. kung hindi ngayon, kailan? And that precisely is my question. But why him? When Mar Roxas agreed to slide down to the Vice-Presidency, I was aghast! I would have voted for him. I see in him a change, a persona that can drive this nation further into greater glory. But the political reality is that Noynoy is the more winnable candidate. And that is where I entirely digressed. If Cory did not die, would Noynoy be catapulted into the position he is apparently now? I doubt again. He will continue to remain the simple Noynoy. Nothing more. He could have more time honing his skills as a Senator and hope in time for the elections, he will be noticed to become a viable successor. But NO. Cory did die and the rest is history. Noynoy is the presidential candidate of the Liberal Party, whose mongering is based on hate politics.
I will stand as an apologist for GMA. Despite her unpopularity, GMA stood her ground. The little lady has more balls than her detractors. And that to me is leadership. Corruption? Yes, I admit that I was shocked with the Hello Garci scandal, the ZTE, and the fertilizer scam scandals. But she stood her ground. Men of lesser demeanor would have fallen in the aftermath of such maelstrom. But survive she did. Indeed, she would have been laughing because she showed her precarious opponents that she has the balls ! Can Noynoy duplicate it? I doubt again.
Harboring on the legacy of his esteemed lineage, I cannot even see change at all. I cannot see how Noynoy can be the agent of change. He has vested interest. Obama is a different animal. He has no such regal parentage. And to think that they are creating in Noynoy an Obamish persona is arrogance. Then the more I will be afraid of a Noynoy presidency. Why? Because they can never go wrong ! For those who will offer a contrary view will surely be declared as a heretic!
After Erap, I never felt so adverse to a presidential candidate. And the irony of it is he is an Aquino! Many of my friends were surprised at my loathing and scathing dislike for Noynoy because they knew me as a rabid NINOY fanatic. I was a Coryista before because that was called for at that time. Marcos was the enemy. But when she finished her term, I lost the feeling of magic. She was after all, human. And this time, the son would dare step into her esteemed shoes?
No. Noynoy can never be an effective President. I do not want a repeat of 200 advisers. I do not want the Kamag-anaks telling the President to do this or that. I do not want the free-riders to revive their whispering whims. And certainly, I do not want a repeat of an Aquino presidency. Give others the chance.
Perhaps, all of these talk about morality and integrity will back-fire against him. Because there is this doubt that he will fail. And surely, that will be a tragic mistake. This time, we need an effective leader. One who is in charge. One who will dare again be unpopular because it is just right. One who will be headstrong as well and can withstand the attacks of his detractors. This cannot be Noynoy. He is just not right for it.
Think. Think hard. In 2001, we had Erap. And I hope we have learned our lesson.
Perhaps,again, in my impulsive tirade of him, I have been annoying a lot of "friends". But that is beside the point. I have never taken such stance as compared when Erap won the Presidency. It is the feeling of reverse emotional paranoia that is unsettling me. Why NoyNoy in the first place?
I place value unwittingly. Unconditional. And no pretense. I have yet to see someone who possess such a virtue of detached cynicism. Noynoy does not carry with him these elements. In fact, he is someone who cannot command a majority and will be swallowed in the gumption of crocodiles disguising themselves as patriots, when in fact, they have their own interests to protect.
The cynic in me tells me that no matter how much integrity one has, unless a "doer" persona is evident, then all of this euphoria for the resurgence of an Aquino legacy will go for naught. Cory had her days when she became President. She could have made a difference. But she did not. She succumbed to the demands of her class and she did not heed the greater interest, but who can go against her then? Except a few perhaps for she was the darling that time. I am seeing a repeat in a Noynoy presidency.
I am deeply scared of such. The absence of a substantial element in Noynoy's persona and background is simply unnerving. I can simply believe and be bought because for the reason that he is an Aquino. He must be his own man. And I cannot see the Ninoy in him. The protestations that he is a simpleton in the political arena because he keeps a safe distance from the laborious undertakings of legislative life is just astounding and it is perhaps arrogant for him to delve into a more complex tasks of being a President! I cannot reconcile how I can vote for somebody who I see as lameduck, with only the Aquino name backing him up, and nothing more, to run this country with the promise of change. I do not even see the charisma, unless I am blinded by the belief that he is an ineffectual leader?
The Philippines is a complex nation. We are the surprise of this planet. We are so malleable that many are in awe because we have survived. The irony of it all, is that we have survived because of an unpopular President! Am I to use this analogy for me to even consider giving Noynoy that chance? The answer is NO.
At this juncture in our political life, we are beset and must make an objective assessment of the future, of things we wanted to be in the future. We have done far more experimentation with our choice of leaders. And each time, we are not satisfied. Can Noynoy unite us? I doubt. He may win the plurality votes, but how is that different from the Presidents that preceded him? NONE. I would only believe if he wins the MAJORITY votes for the Presidency and I will concede.
Come to think of it. It is us that enables the Presidency. It is us that will define the future of this country. And we do not take action for it. The supporters of Noynoy is parroting the oft familiar line.. kung hindi ngayon, kailan? And that precisely is my question. But why him? When Mar Roxas agreed to slide down to the Vice-Presidency, I was aghast! I would have voted for him. I see in him a change, a persona that can drive this nation further into greater glory. But the political reality is that Noynoy is the more winnable candidate. And that is where I entirely digressed. If Cory did not die, would Noynoy be catapulted into the position he is apparently now? I doubt again. He will continue to remain the simple Noynoy. Nothing more. He could have more time honing his skills as a Senator and hope in time for the elections, he will be noticed to become a viable successor. But NO. Cory did die and the rest is history. Noynoy is the presidential candidate of the Liberal Party, whose mongering is based on hate politics.
I will stand as an apologist for GMA. Despite her unpopularity, GMA stood her ground. The little lady has more balls than her detractors. And that to me is leadership. Corruption? Yes, I admit that I was shocked with the Hello Garci scandal, the ZTE, and the fertilizer scam scandals. But she stood her ground. Men of lesser demeanor would have fallen in the aftermath of such maelstrom. But survive she did. Indeed, she would have been laughing because she showed her precarious opponents that she has the balls ! Can Noynoy duplicate it? I doubt again.
Harboring on the legacy of his esteemed lineage, I cannot even see change at all. I cannot see how Noynoy can be the agent of change. He has vested interest. Obama is a different animal. He has no such regal parentage. And to think that they are creating in Noynoy an Obamish persona is arrogance. Then the more I will be afraid of a Noynoy presidency. Why? Because they can never go wrong ! For those who will offer a contrary view will surely be declared as a heretic!
After Erap, I never felt so adverse to a presidential candidate. And the irony of it is he is an Aquino! Many of my friends were surprised at my loathing and scathing dislike for Noynoy because they knew me as a rabid NINOY fanatic. I was a Coryista before because that was called for at that time. Marcos was the enemy. But when she finished her term, I lost the feeling of magic. She was after all, human. And this time, the son would dare step into her esteemed shoes?
No. Noynoy can never be an effective President. I do not want a repeat of 200 advisers. I do not want the Kamag-anaks telling the President to do this or that. I do not want the free-riders to revive their whispering whims. And certainly, I do not want a repeat of an Aquino presidency. Give others the chance.
Perhaps, all of these talk about morality and integrity will back-fire against him. Because there is this doubt that he will fail. And surely, that will be a tragic mistake. This time, we need an effective leader. One who is in charge. One who will dare again be unpopular because it is just right. One who will be headstrong as well and can withstand the attacks of his detractors. This cannot be Noynoy. He is just not right for it.
Think. Think hard. In 2001, we had Erap. And I hope we have learned our lesson.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
12 months.
52 weeks.
365 days.
That is all to complete the cycle. And a new one begins.
Cycle after cycle after cycle.
And I can only wish we can all learn from the mistakes of the past.
I am hopeful that the coming year is good. I hope that we can have a new start and forget and discard the wastage and excesses of the past year.
To all my friends and fellow bloggers......
Let us all look forward to a wonderful 2010.
Friday, December 25, 2009
A Silent Christmas
This is supposed to be a time for merrymaking. Christmas has been like a tradition to Pinoys , that we celebrate it the longest. The spirit is present everywhere - parties, food, decors, lights, sounds, children, gifts...
I do not know. Except for the decors I see in Makati, it does not even stir a bit in me. I like what I see because of the play of colors,or sounds. But that is just about it. No more. AH - the holidays - a respite from work. Kaya I can feel the Christmas spirit.
I have written little quips in my Facebook account. They thought I was just being creative. Little did they know, that I am actually being honest when I wrote those. Sometimes, it is eerie thinking that I can go against the grain - against the festivities that is supposed to surround Christmas. But I am bored. But I am relaxed.
Yes, a time for giving. a time for the follies. But a time for introspection as well.
well to each his own. Maybe I have stopped enjoying the Christmas festivities because it does not excite me at all. Maybe, I would have wanted just to have a silent Christmas.
Just maybe.
I do not know. Except for the decors I see in Makati, it does not even stir a bit in me. I like what I see because of the play of colors,or sounds. But that is just about it. No more. AH - the holidays - a respite from work. Kaya I can feel the Christmas spirit.
I have written little quips in my Facebook account. They thought I was just being creative. Little did they know, that I am actually being honest when I wrote those. Sometimes, it is eerie thinking that I can go against the grain - against the festivities that is supposed to surround Christmas. But I am bored. But I am relaxed.
Yes, a time for giving. a time for the follies. But a time for introspection as well.
well to each his own. Maybe I have stopped enjoying the Christmas festivities because it does not excite me at all. Maybe, I would have wanted just to have a silent Christmas.
Just maybe.
Friday, November 20, 2009
A Greeting
I mark another year in life. I love and live.
It feels good though in a sense, things are still lacking.
Yet I am satisfied. By thoughts that I have lived in satisfaction.
Not much. Not too few. Just enough.
I have never crossed anybody.
I have never betrayed anyone.
I have not done others evil.
In fact, many evils have been inflicted on me. But I learned and survived.
How foolish of me to think that I shall overcome. But I overcame.
The weakness of the past, the pain of the present, and the uncertainty of another future. Another year... when I reach the Golden Year....
Happy birthday to me!
It feels good though in a sense, things are still lacking.
Yet I am satisfied. By thoughts that I have lived in satisfaction.
Not much. Not too few. Just enough.
I have never crossed anybody.
I have never betrayed anyone.
I have not done others evil.
In fact, many evils have been inflicted on me. But I learned and survived.
How foolish of me to think that I shall overcome. But I overcame.
The weakness of the past, the pain of the present, and the uncertainty of another future. Another year... when I reach the Golden Year....
Happy birthday to me!
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Hindi na ako tatanga-tanga
I discovered I have written something in December 2006. This came as a result of a foolishness. And I have learned very hard to be sober. It pays to be such. All the times.
nasira ang buhay ko.
pinilit bumangon
na naka bangon ng muli
mas matatag
mas matibay
pero hindi na marunong magpatawad
sa mga taong wala kwenta.
at pinatigas ang ang puso kong dating punong puno ng pagmamahal.
ngayon ay nababalot na na ng pagtatanong at walang tiwala.
ngunit buhay pa rin at sasabihin kong mas matindi ang sinong mang magtatangkang lokohin ako ulit.
dahil hindi na ako papaloko pa.
at hindi nila sila makaka isa.
Sila na ang magiging tanga.
Sila ang magdurusa.
Ako, ay nagbago na.
Hindi na ako tatanga tanga.
nasira ang buhay ko.
pinilit bumangon
na naka bangon ng muli
mas matatag
mas matibay
pero hindi na marunong magpatawad
sa mga taong wala kwenta.
at pinatigas ang ang puso kong dating punong puno ng pagmamahal.
ngayon ay nababalot na na ng pagtatanong at walang tiwala.
ngunit buhay pa rin at sasabihin kong mas matindi ang sinong mang magtatangkang lokohin ako ulit.
dahil hindi na ako papaloko pa.
at hindi nila sila makaka isa.
Sila na ang magiging tanga.
Sila ang magdurusa.
Ako, ay nagbago na.
Hindi na ako tatanga tanga.
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