I mark another year in life. I love and live.
It feels good though in a sense, things are still lacking.
Yet I am satisfied. By thoughts that I have lived in satisfaction.
Not much. Not too few. Just enough.
I have never crossed anybody.
I have never betrayed anyone.
I have not done others evil.
In fact, many evils have been inflicted on me. But I learned and survived.
How foolish of me to think that I shall overcome. But I overcame.
The weakness of the past, the pain of the present, and the uncertainty of another future. Another year... when I reach the Golden Year....
Happy birthday to me!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Hindi na ako tatanga-tanga
I discovered I have written something in December 2006. This came as a result of a foolishness. And I have learned very hard to be sober. It pays to be such. All the times.
nasira ang buhay ko.
pinilit bumangon
na naka bangon ng muli
mas matatag
mas matibay
pero hindi na marunong magpatawad
sa mga taong wala kwenta.
at pinatigas ang ang puso kong dating punong puno ng pagmamahal.
ngayon ay nababalot na na ng pagtatanong at walang tiwala.
ngunit buhay pa rin at sasabihin kong mas matindi ang sinong mang magtatangkang lokohin ako ulit.
dahil hindi na ako papaloko pa.
at hindi nila sila makaka isa.
Sila na ang magiging tanga.
Sila ang magdurusa.
Ako, ay nagbago na.
Hindi na ako tatanga tanga.
nasira ang buhay ko.
pinilit bumangon
na naka bangon ng muli
mas matatag
mas matibay
pero hindi na marunong magpatawad
sa mga taong wala kwenta.
at pinatigas ang ang puso kong dating punong puno ng pagmamahal.
ngayon ay nababalot na na ng pagtatanong at walang tiwala.
ngunit buhay pa rin at sasabihin kong mas matindi ang sinong mang magtatangkang lokohin ako ulit.
dahil hindi na ako papaloko pa.
at hindi nila sila makaka isa.
Sila na ang magiging tanga.
Sila ang magdurusa.
Ako, ay nagbago na.
Hindi na ako tatanga tanga.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Happy with my 3 J's
It made me feel good to sing with my nephews.
Joshua was a relevation. Despite his challenge, he did not have the hang-up of getting the microphone and sang to his heart's delight. Kahit wala kaming naiintindihan sa kinanta niya, I was very very proud of him.
Jerome, despite the antics, was the pa-cute. Kung sabagay, guwapo naman kase. And being the youngest, he was all full of verve. Ha ! Youth and all their energies.
Jed is the distant one. The formal type. Manang mana sa daddy niya! lols. If only my brother could read this ! He would kill me !
And despite my professed hatred with the letter 'J", my three J's are the most wonderful I can ever have. Kahit hindi ko mga anak !
Jed is mana naman sa akin sa utak. An achiever, perhaps. I really really he makes good in his profession as a CPA. And he will start work na November 16 ! Magkapit bahay na kami sa Makati!
I hope I can live longer to see them longer. I really love my nephews.
And Mama of course, the ever doting Lola that she is, was all smiles. Complete kase ang family niya. Me, my brother, his wife, and their children and I was with someone who has been with me for many many years na kilala naman nila. Kaya no problemo.
I never thought that I would be happy this November 1st. Sa tuwa ko , naibili ko tuloy ng DVD-karaoke tuloy sila ! out of the blues !
My youngest brother who is dead na, and my father - I could only see them - smiling at us.
It is very seldom that we are all complete. And I will always cherish the days that we are together in one roof.
Joshua was a relevation. Despite his challenge, he did not have the hang-up of getting the microphone and sang to his heart's delight. Kahit wala kaming naiintindihan sa kinanta niya, I was very very proud of him.
Jerome, despite the antics, was the pa-cute. Kung sabagay, guwapo naman kase. And being the youngest, he was all full of verve. Ha ! Youth and all their energies.
Jed is the distant one. The formal type. Manang mana sa daddy niya! lols. If only my brother could read this ! He would kill me !
And despite my professed hatred with the letter 'J", my three J's are the most wonderful I can ever have. Kahit hindi ko mga anak !
Jed is mana naman sa akin sa utak. An achiever, perhaps. I really really he makes good in his profession as a CPA. And he will start work na November 16 ! Magkapit bahay na kami sa Makati!
I hope I can live longer to see them longer. I really love my nephews.
And Mama of course, the ever doting Lola that she is, was all smiles. Complete kase ang family niya. Me, my brother, his wife, and their children and I was with someone who has been with me for many many years na kilala naman nila. Kaya no problemo.
I never thought that I would be happy this November 1st. Sa tuwa ko , naibili ko tuloy ng DVD-karaoke tuloy sila ! out of the blues !
My youngest brother who is dead na, and my father - I could only see them - smiling at us.
It is very seldom that we are all complete. And I will always cherish the days that we are together in one roof.
Passing the Baton
It has been quite a while.
November 1st. A time to commemorate the memory of the dead.
And not quite a long time ago, I have been saddled with such a tragedy I thought I would not be able to survive it.
This day, I remember my father and my youngest brother who had joined the Great Creator.
My memories are select. I like to dwell on the sweet memories when they were still on the mortal plane.
Tyron had been quite a child. A big one. At 29, he could had been at the prime. But then he had been taken away and called to his destiny.
Then, I was bargaining in exchange for his life to take mine instead. I may not have lived a full life but I can go, he can stay as he has many many years ahead of him
But Fate was not that kind. Maybe the Creator has reasons - reasons we always question because they are not congruent with ours.
And from then on, I stopped questioning. I take things as they happen. Without question. Because there may be a reason for everything, only that we do not know what those are.
November 1st this year is a celebration. The birthday of my eldest nephew, who just passed the CPA Board Exams and who has been accepted in his first job at Punongbayan and Araullo.
I can call that a blessing even if the blessing is not mine.
I am happy already. At least, I know that my siblings are content. And can take charge.
I am now ready to pass the baton to them.
November 1st. A time to commemorate the memory of the dead.
And not quite a long time ago, I have been saddled with such a tragedy I thought I would not be able to survive it.
This day, I remember my father and my youngest brother who had joined the Great Creator.
My memories are select. I like to dwell on the sweet memories when they were still on the mortal plane.
Tyron had been quite a child. A big one. At 29, he could had been at the prime. But then he had been taken away and called to his destiny.
Then, I was bargaining in exchange for his life to take mine instead. I may not have lived a full life but I can go, he can stay as he has many many years ahead of him
But Fate was not that kind. Maybe the Creator has reasons - reasons we always question because they are not congruent with ours.
And from then on, I stopped questioning. I take things as they happen. Without question. Because there may be a reason for everything, only that we do not know what those are.
November 1st this year is a celebration. The birthday of my eldest nephew, who just passed the CPA Board Exams and who has been accepted in his first job at Punongbayan and Araullo.
I can call that a blessing even if the blessing is not mine.
I am happy already. At least, I know that my siblings are content. And can take charge.
I am now ready to pass the baton to them.
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