Against the Noynoy euphoria - Part 1

I have been losing "friends" in my Facebook network and all because of my stand on Noynoy. Perhaps, I could have resorted to a more sober sarcasm, but then, how do you fight off a very popular "non-figure"?

Perhaps,again, in my impulsive tirade of him, I have been annoying a lot of "friends". But that is beside the point. I have never taken such stance as compared when Erap won the Presidency. It is the feeling of reverse emotional paranoia that is unsettling me. Why NoyNoy in the first place?

I place value unwittingly. Unconditional. And no pretense. I have yet to see someone who possess such a virtue of detached cynicism. Noynoy does not carry with him these elements. In fact, he is someone who cannot command a majority and will be swallowed in the gumption of crocodiles disguising themselves as patriots, when in fact, they have their own interests to protect.

The cynic in me tells me that no matter how much integrity one has, unless a "doer" persona is evident, then all of this euphoria for the resurgence of an Aquino legacy will go for naught. Cory had her days when she became President. She could have made a difference. But she did not. She succumbed to the demands of her class and she did not heed the greater interest, but who can go against her then? Except a few perhaps for she was the darling that time. I am seeing a repeat in a Noynoy presidency.

I am deeply scared of such. The absence of a substantial element in Noynoy's persona and background is simply unnerving. I can simply believe and be bought because for the reason that he is an Aquino. He must be his own man. And I cannot see the Ninoy in him. The protestations that he is a simpleton in the political arena because he keeps a safe distance from the laborious undertakings of legislative life is just astounding and it is perhaps arrogant for him to delve into a more complex tasks of being a President! I cannot reconcile how I can vote for somebody who I see as lameduck, with only the Aquino name backing him up, and nothing more, to run this country with the promise of change. I do not even see the charisma, unless I am blinded by the belief that he is an ineffectual leader?

The Philippines is a complex nation. We are the surprise of this planet. We are so malleable that many are in awe because we have survived. The irony of it all, is that we have survived because of an unpopular President! Am I to use this analogy for me to even consider giving Noynoy that chance? The answer is NO.

At this juncture in our political life, we are beset and must make an objective assessment of the future, of things we wanted to be in the future. We have done far more experimentation with our choice of leaders. And each time, we are not satisfied. Can Noynoy unite us? I doubt. He may win the plurality votes, but how is that different from the Presidents that preceded him? NONE. I would only believe if he wins the MAJORITY votes for the Presidency and I will concede.

Come to think of it. It is us that enables the Presidency. It is us that will define the future of this country. And we do not take action for it. The supporters of Noynoy is parroting the oft familiar line.. kung hindi ngayon, kailan? And that precisely is my question. But why him? When Mar Roxas agreed to slide down to the Vice-Presidency, I was aghast! I would have voted for him. I see in him a change, a persona that can drive this nation further into greater glory. But the political reality is that Noynoy is the more winnable candidate. And that is where I entirely digressed. If Cory did not die, would Noynoy be catapulted into the position he is apparently now? I doubt again. He will continue to remain the simple Noynoy. Nothing more. He could have more time honing his skills as a Senator and hope in time for the elections, he will be noticed to become a viable successor. But NO. Cory did die and the rest is history. Noynoy is the presidential candidate of the Liberal Party, whose mongering is based on hate politics.

I will stand as an apologist for GMA. Despite her unpopularity, GMA stood her ground. The little lady has more balls than her detractors. And that to me is leadership. Corruption? Yes, I admit that I was shocked with the Hello Garci scandal, the ZTE, and the fertilizer scam scandals. But she stood her ground. Men of lesser demeanor would have fallen in the aftermath of such maelstrom. But survive she did. Indeed, she would have been laughing because she showed her precarious opponents that she has the balls ! Can Noynoy duplicate it? I doubt again.

Harboring on the legacy of his esteemed lineage, I cannot even see change at all. I cannot see how Noynoy can be the agent of change. He has vested interest. Obama is a different animal. He has no such regal parentage. And to think that they are creating in Noynoy an Obamish persona is arrogance. Then the more I will be afraid of a Noynoy presidency. Why? Because they can never go wrong ! For those who will offer a contrary view will surely be declared as a heretic!

After Erap, I never felt so adverse to a presidential candidate. And the irony of it is he is an Aquino! Many of my friends were surprised at my loathing and scathing dislike for Noynoy because they knew me as a rabid NINOY fanatic. I was a Coryista before because that was called for at that time. Marcos was the enemy. But when she finished her term, I lost the feeling of magic. She was after all, human. And this time, the son would dare step into her esteemed shoes?

No. Noynoy can never be an effective President. I do not want a repeat of 200 advisers. I do not want the Kamag-anaks telling the President to do this or that. I do not want the free-riders to revive their whispering whims. And certainly, I do not want a repeat of an Aquino presidency. Give others the chance.

Perhaps, all of these talk about morality and integrity will back-fire against him. Because there is this doubt that he will fail. And surely, that will be a tragic mistake. This time, we need an effective leader. One who is in charge. One who will dare again be unpopular because it is just right. One who will be headstrong as well and can withstand the attacks of his detractors. This cannot be Noynoy. He is just not right for it.

Think. Think hard. In 2001, we had Erap. And I hope we have learned our lesson.

12 months.

52 weeks.

365 days.

That is all to complete the cycle. And a new one begins.

Cycle after cycle after cycle.

And I can only wish we can all learn from the mistakes of the past.

I am hopeful that the coming year is good. I hope that we can have a new start and forget and discard the wastage and excesses of the past year.

To all my friends and fellow bloggers......


Let us all look forward to a wonderful 2010.

A Silent Christmas

This is supposed to be a time for merrymaking. Christmas has been like a tradition to Pinoys , that we celebrate it the longest. The spirit is present everywhere - parties, food, decors, lights, sounds, children, gifts...

I do not know. Except for the decors I see in Makati, it does not even stir a bit in me. I like what I see because of the play of colors,or sounds. But that is just about it. No more. AH - the holidays - a respite from work. Kaya I can feel the Christmas spirit.

I have written little quips in my Facebook account. They thought I was just being creative. Little did they know, that I am actually being honest when I wrote those. Sometimes, it is eerie thinking that I can go against the grain - against the festivities that is supposed to surround Christmas. But I am bored. But I am relaxed.

Yes, a time for giving. a time for the follies. But a time for introspection as well.

well to each his own. Maybe I have stopped enjoying the Christmas festivities because it does not excite me at all. Maybe, I would have wanted just to have a silent Christmas.

Just maybe.

A Greeting

I mark another year in life. I love and live.

It feels good though in a sense, things are still lacking.

Yet I am satisfied. By thoughts that I have lived in satisfaction.

Not much. Not too few. Just enough.

I have never crossed anybody.

I have never betrayed anyone.

I have not done others evil.

In fact, many evils have been inflicted on me. But I learned and survived.

How foolish of me to think that I shall overcome. But I overcame.

The weakness of the past, the pain of the present, and the uncertainty of another future. Another year... when I reach the Golden Year....


Happy birthday to me!

Hindi na ako tatanga-tanga

I discovered I have written something in December 2006. This came as a result of a foolishness. And I have learned very hard to be sober. It pays to be such. All the times.


nasira ang buhay ko.

pinilit bumangon

na naka bangon ng muli

mas matatag

mas matibay

pero hindi na marunong magpatawad

sa mga taong wala kwenta.

at pinatigas ang ang puso kong dating punong puno ng pagmamahal.

ngayon ay nababalot na na ng pagtatanong at walang tiwala.

ngunit buhay pa rin at sasabihin kong mas matindi ang sinong mang magtatangkang lokohin ako ulit.

dahil hindi na ako papaloko pa.

at hindi nila sila makaka isa.

Sila na ang magiging tanga.

Sila ang magdurusa.

Ako, ay nagbago na.

Hindi na ako tatanga tanga.

Happy with my 3 J's

It made me feel good to sing with my nephews.

Joshua was a relevation. Despite his challenge, he did not have the hang-up of getting the microphone and sang to his heart's delight. Kahit wala kaming naiintindihan sa kinanta niya, I was very very proud of him.

Jerome, despite the antics, was the pa-cute. Kung sabagay, guwapo naman kase. And being the youngest, he was all full of verve. Ha ! Youth and all their energies.

Jed is the distant one. The formal type. Manang mana sa daddy niya! lols. If only my brother could read this ! He would kill me !

And despite my professed hatred with the letter 'J", my three J's are the most wonderful I can ever have. Kahit hindi ko mga anak !


Jed is mana naman sa akin sa utak. An achiever, perhaps. I really really he makes good in his profession as a CPA. And he will start work na November 16 ! Magkapit bahay na kami sa Makati!

I hope I can live longer to see them longer. I really love my nephews.

And Mama of course, the ever doting Lola that she is, was all smiles. Complete kase ang family niya. Me, my brother, his wife, and their children and I was with someone who has been with me for many many years na kilala naman nila. Kaya no problemo.

I never thought that I would be happy this November 1st. Sa tuwa ko , naibili ko tuloy ng DVD-karaoke tuloy sila ! out of the blues !

My youngest brother who is dead na, and my father - I could only see them - smiling at us.

It is very seldom that we are all complete. And I will always cherish the days that we are together in one roof.

Passing the Baton

It has been quite a while.

November 1st. A time to commemorate the memory of the dead.

And not quite a long time ago, I have been saddled with such a tragedy I thought I would not be able to survive it.

This day, I remember my father and my youngest brother who had joined the Great Creator.

My memories are select. I like to dwell on the sweet memories when they were still on the mortal plane.

Tyron had been quite a child. A big one. At 29, he could had been at the prime. But then he had been taken away and called to his destiny.

Then, I was bargaining in exchange for his life to take mine instead. I may not have lived a full life but I can go, he can stay as he has many many years ahead of him

But Fate was not that kind. Maybe the Creator has reasons - reasons we always question because they are not congruent with ours.

And from then on, I stopped questioning. I take things as they happen. Without question. Because there may be a reason for everything, only that we do not know what those are.


November 1st this year is a celebration. The birthday of my eldest nephew, who just passed the CPA Board Exams and who has been accepted in his first job at Punongbayan and Araullo.

I can call that a blessing even if the blessing is not mine.

I am happy already. At least, I know that my siblings are content. And can take charge.

I am now ready to pass the baton to them.

I Rant.. Games. Commit

I wished I were like Aris, who can really write !
Guilty ako na inggit ako kase hindi ako makasulat ng katulad niya.
His latest blog was indeed one would have wished he could have written instead.

I am one who cannot tell a story straight. I like more to rant about anything else.
But one with a story and twist and all that, I would betray myself.

Sometimes, the words do come out, especially in emotional times.

But more often, words will come out when there is anger.

Most of what I have written were products of anger, if I may say so.

I am nothing compared to the "great" writers of blog. I am not spontaneous. I am very prejudiced. Bigoted. Insipid.

Mostly, my free time is devoted not into writing but with Facebook games. I do not know why.

It started when I only started accepting invites, without any intention of really playing.

But something caught my attention. And up to now, it is eating much of my time.

I have reason why I have to go home early from work because the food will rot, or the fish will die, or my workers will tire of exhaustion because there is no food !

Imagine Me playing those virtual games with such intensity and commitment !

I must be crazy!

What is it with the letter J ?

In a sudden twist of fate, I have been meeting people whose names start with the letter J.

I do not know if I am being punished for such, or is this a sign that I forgive and forget?

I have forgiven but have not forgotten.

The pain is not anymore there. I have lived and moved on quite well and I guess, there is also the acceptance of things.

I believe that sooner or later , a better J will emerge. A person who will wait and understand the idiosyncracies of my mind. I do not know, But maybe that J will be the one who will be willing to stay with me in my old age - or would i be unfair and selfish to impose on it?

Again , I do not know. The life that lies ahead is uncertain. For a single person, it is a possibility. The uncertainty, that is.

it has to end

Dito ko na lang isusulat.

konti lang ang bumibisita sa blog ko dito.

I have been silent for the past how many days na nga ba?

I do not want to make things complicated.

Ayaw ko na ng drama.

Ayaw ko na ng mag-iisip pa ako.

Ayaw ko na din na iniisip ako ng ibang tao.

Ayaw ko na ng hindi ko magawa ang dapat kong gawin kase meron akong inaalala pa na pag hindi ko ginawa iisipin ko pa.

Ayaw ko na ng merong naguiguilty dahil lang sa mga maling akalang AKO ay nawawala na at AKO ay nagbago.


This has to end.


I am sorry.

I promised that I will not leave you.

But thinking forward, you do not deserve me.

I have my priorities laid out straight before you came.

And I bet against hope that it would fit in.

Apparently, it is impossible.

Perhaps, you concentrate on your priorities muna.

I will on mine.


Honestly, you pushed me down hard. very hard when you made me feel guilty. Because it is true. I have neglected you.


And I admit the mistake. Kaya it is better hanggang maaga to stop this.

It has to end.

Take care.

2008 na and i have not written a blog yet?

My God!

I forgot my blog.


2008 na and not one entry yet?


I must be busy with my multiply site.


anyway... hello blog....


hope you did not miss me at all!

I am back

It's been like forever when I last visited blogspot. My original blogging activities started here.

And I got distracted.

I just wanted to say hello to blogspot


Click on my realm and my recent blogs are there...


need i repost it here?

My Own Litte Way

i asked myself too many questions.

Questions na ewan ko ba kung me sagot o wala.

I keep on living as if tomorrow will not be there.

Na palaging huling araw ko na palagi.

I keep on wondering the senseless direction in my life.

Na kahit d ko pa nakukuha ang ambisyon ko ay masaya naman ako.

I want to believe that I matter in this world.

I want to believe that I can make a dent.

I want to believe that I have reached to many and I have affected them in my own litte way.

Am I happy?

Maybe?

I may say that I am, I can say I am not. But what makes one happy?

a drink?
a smoke?
a principled stand?
a simple life?
a lover?
a car?
a house?
a flower?
a thorn?

Things , little things make me happy.

a smile
a friend
a consort
a healthy life
a meaningful life

But is this all?

Yes and no.

We are humans. Homo-sapiens.

We choose the time to be happy.

We create the time to be happy.

We decide when it is time to be happy.

So am I happy now?

My Emancipation

My Emancipation

Wavering, I bravely faced the inevitable

of realizing that anger will do me no good.

And true enough, I have been emancipated

from the negative vibes that come with it.

Though not yet complete, I shall still endure

As I did for the last eight months of being angry.

When the time comes, when the realization is over

I shall be willingly to forgive even if not asked.

For the moment, I feel no more anger nor pain

despite the trauma that it did cost me

Then, I lived a life from a daily existence

Now, I look at life towards a better tomorrow.

And I am starting to see rainbows again

with its radiant colors teeming in front of me.

I may be in the middle of my mortal life

but I vow never to be hurt nor be used nor be sullied again

I vow that I shall learn to love as I love and we love

And accept that that love can be lost in any manner possible.

For the meaning of this wordly existence can never be complete

without the opposite being felt to create the equilbruim.

I have emerged from this triumphant, not downtrodden

For it is beckong a new lease on life - a new beginning.

A new journey , A new set of experiences

A rebirth. A homecoming. A welcome change.

That I can truly say that I have come back from reality

And set my foot clearly on the ground, just like a human.

As we need to all do. As humans.

My Dilemma

My dliemma

I am a polygamous monster. I am incapable of loving only one. I have the capacity to love more than one and carry

on a relationship with more than one.

Will that make me a rather despicable person? Will it reflect my low morality? Do I have the "moral ascendancy"

to be part of this group?

My life , you already know. My life, mysterious as it seems, is as transparent as everyone else. Predictable. Ratonal.

Intellectual. Malandi.

But i know that I ran counter to the natural laws of love. I am not monogamous. And I am not afraid of saying so.

That is life.

My Loneliness Part III

My Loneliness Part 3

I wish I could disparage the thoughts of evil men so that I can prevail over the frustrations. I wish I could be ominipresent so that I could sustain my thirst for life. But I am human indeed and I am doomed to fail , once in a while.

Why do I have to wait on longing for something that would not even come? Why do I have to drown in despair for something that is not even mine?

I saw the foreboding and I intentionally ignored it. I saw the signs and I looked the other way. I am blinded by the power of love that it does not augur well for my well-being. Am I now in the midst of cleansing stage that I have to unburden before the rest of the world so that I can be whole once again?

My sadness is silently creeping into my whole being. My inadequacies are resounding. I do not anymore know which is the way to go. I am nothing. I am chaos. I belong to the void.

My Loneliness Part !!

My Loneliness II

I have been found guilty of expressing an emotion that should not have been expressed in the first place. And when I so choose to tread on the path that will again beget a conflic in my life, will i rise up to the challenge and meet them head on?

I am forlorn because the more I feel love for a person and the more I give way and understand even if it is not reciprocated, am I crazy? Sad, because I choose to capture the rebound. Sad, because I know that thru experience, it will not lead nowhere. Sad, because I am beginning to fall again.

I hope that my loneliness is temporary. I hope that I will eventually get out of this denial stage that I can truly love a person for whatever worth it is. Sad, because I choose to feel the pain and not the happiness. Sad, because I choose to follow the dictates of my heart rather than the logic and the rational.

My Loneliness Part I

My Loneliness

I am about to commit the same mistake. I know that it is wrong but the feeling is stronger. Call it the temptation. And an ongoing battle is ensuing within me. Who will win? My mind or my heart?

I vowed that I will not let myself be hurt again. And here I am, practically toying with fire. Am I not that strong enough? Do I not have the strength to control that emotion? Am I a willing pawn? Do I become weak? Do I succumb again?

Questions! Questions ! I know the answers but I do not want to follow them. The call of the heart is powerful. The shouting is louder. The vibration is tumultous. I am about to erupt. Like a lava, it is slowly burning all that it touches. And like hell, I am forever damned.

I am lonely. I am very sad. My loneliness stems from an unsatiated desire to be with someone very far to reach. I am depressed. I am anxious. My loneliness is deep. I am an old man. A lonely old man.

Doubt and Silence

Sometimes, we are confronted with too many truths , half baked truths and many lies. And it confuses us to no end. Then the doubt persists. The human mind is besieged with so many data and thoughts that we cannot anymore decipher the real from the reel. Unkind to us, but that is how we humans live.

Doubts persists because we like to imagine a story. We like to tell a story. We like to end the story. OUR WAY. OUR THOUGHTS. OUR OWN PREJUDICE.

My rule? Keep silent when in doubt. Let the truth surface. Let the real come out. For it will always come out. Patience is the key. To the listless, this will cause so many sleepless nights. But to the stronger persons, it will shield them from the worries.

Our emotional processes dominate our thoughts when in doubt. Fight this. Let the rational take over. For a reckless thinking will lead to the most irrational decision.

Silence is like rest. It helps create the energy that will carry one to the finish. And when revitalized, the truth shall come out and the doubt will expire. If the truth is equal to the doubt, then face it head -on and calmly. For surely, the energy that you have saved will surely aid you in meeting the challenge face to face.