12 months.

52 weeks.

365 days.

That is all to complete the cycle. And a new one begins.

Cycle after cycle after cycle.

And I can only wish we can all learn from the mistakes of the past.

I am hopeful that the coming year is good. I hope that we can have a new start and forget and discard the wastage and excesses of the past year.

To all my friends and fellow bloggers......


Let us all look forward to a wonderful 2010.

A Silent Christmas

This is supposed to be a time for merrymaking. Christmas has been like a tradition to Pinoys , that we celebrate it the longest. The spirit is present everywhere - parties, food, decors, lights, sounds, children, gifts...

I do not know. Except for the decors I see in Makati, it does not even stir a bit in me. I like what I see because of the play of colors,or sounds. But that is just about it. No more. AH - the holidays - a respite from work. Kaya I can feel the Christmas spirit.

I have written little quips in my Facebook account. They thought I was just being creative. Little did they know, that I am actually being honest when I wrote those. Sometimes, it is eerie thinking that I can go against the grain - against the festivities that is supposed to surround Christmas. But I am bored. But I am relaxed.

Yes, a time for giving. a time for the follies. But a time for introspection as well.

well to each his own. Maybe I have stopped enjoying the Christmas festivities because it does not excite me at all. Maybe, I would have wanted just to have a silent Christmas.

Just maybe.

A Greeting

I mark another year in life. I love and live.

It feels good though in a sense, things are still lacking.

Yet I am satisfied. By thoughts that I have lived in satisfaction.

Not much. Not too few. Just enough.

I have never crossed anybody.

I have never betrayed anyone.

I have not done others evil.

In fact, many evils have been inflicted on me. But I learned and survived.

How foolish of me to think that I shall overcome. But I overcame.

The weakness of the past, the pain of the present, and the uncertainty of another future. Another year... when I reach the Golden Year....


Happy birthday to me!

Hindi na ako tatanga-tanga

I discovered I have written something in December 2006. This came as a result of a foolishness. And I have learned very hard to be sober. It pays to be such. All the times.


nasira ang buhay ko.

pinilit bumangon

na naka bangon ng muli

mas matatag

mas matibay

pero hindi na marunong magpatawad

sa mga taong wala kwenta.

at pinatigas ang ang puso kong dating punong puno ng pagmamahal.

ngayon ay nababalot na na ng pagtatanong at walang tiwala.

ngunit buhay pa rin at sasabihin kong mas matindi ang sinong mang magtatangkang lokohin ako ulit.

dahil hindi na ako papaloko pa.

at hindi nila sila makaka isa.

Sila na ang magiging tanga.

Sila ang magdurusa.

Ako, ay nagbago na.

Hindi na ako tatanga tanga.

Happy with my 3 J's

It made me feel good to sing with my nephews.

Joshua was a relevation. Despite his challenge, he did not have the hang-up of getting the microphone and sang to his heart's delight. Kahit wala kaming naiintindihan sa kinanta niya, I was very very proud of him.

Jerome, despite the antics, was the pa-cute. Kung sabagay, guwapo naman kase. And being the youngest, he was all full of verve. Ha ! Youth and all their energies.

Jed is the distant one. The formal type. Manang mana sa daddy niya! lols. If only my brother could read this ! He would kill me !

And despite my professed hatred with the letter 'J", my three J's are the most wonderful I can ever have. Kahit hindi ko mga anak !


Jed is mana naman sa akin sa utak. An achiever, perhaps. I really really he makes good in his profession as a CPA. And he will start work na November 16 ! Magkapit bahay na kami sa Makati!

I hope I can live longer to see them longer. I really love my nephews.

And Mama of course, the ever doting Lola that she is, was all smiles. Complete kase ang family niya. Me, my brother, his wife, and their children and I was with someone who has been with me for many many years na kilala naman nila. Kaya no problemo.

I never thought that I would be happy this November 1st. Sa tuwa ko , naibili ko tuloy ng DVD-karaoke tuloy sila ! out of the blues !

My youngest brother who is dead na, and my father - I could only see them - smiling at us.

It is very seldom that we are all complete. And I will always cherish the days that we are together in one roof.

Passing the Baton

It has been quite a while.

November 1st. A time to commemorate the memory of the dead.

And not quite a long time ago, I have been saddled with such a tragedy I thought I would not be able to survive it.

This day, I remember my father and my youngest brother who had joined the Great Creator.

My memories are select. I like to dwell on the sweet memories when they were still on the mortal plane.

Tyron had been quite a child. A big one. At 29, he could had been at the prime. But then he had been taken away and called to his destiny.

Then, I was bargaining in exchange for his life to take mine instead. I may not have lived a full life but I can go, he can stay as he has many many years ahead of him

But Fate was not that kind. Maybe the Creator has reasons - reasons we always question because they are not congruent with ours.

And from then on, I stopped questioning. I take things as they happen. Without question. Because there may be a reason for everything, only that we do not know what those are.


November 1st this year is a celebration. The birthday of my eldest nephew, who just passed the CPA Board Exams and who has been accepted in his first job at Punongbayan and Araullo.

I can call that a blessing even if the blessing is not mine.

I am happy already. At least, I know that my siblings are content. And can take charge.

I am now ready to pass the baton to them.

I Rant.. Games. Commit

I wished I were like Aris, who can really write !
Guilty ako na inggit ako kase hindi ako makasulat ng katulad niya.
His latest blog was indeed one would have wished he could have written instead.

I am one who cannot tell a story straight. I like more to rant about anything else.
But one with a story and twist and all that, I would betray myself.

Sometimes, the words do come out, especially in emotional times.

But more often, words will come out when there is anger.

Most of what I have written were products of anger, if I may say so.

I am nothing compared to the "great" writers of blog. I am not spontaneous. I am very prejudiced. Bigoted. Insipid.

Mostly, my free time is devoted not into writing but with Facebook games. I do not know why.

It started when I only started accepting invites, without any intention of really playing.

But something caught my attention. And up to now, it is eating much of my time.

I have reason why I have to go home early from work because the food will rot, or the fish will die, or my workers will tire of exhaustion because there is no food !

Imagine Me playing those virtual games with such intensity and commitment !

I must be crazy!

What is it with the letter J ?

In a sudden twist of fate, I have been meeting people whose names start with the letter J.

I do not know if I am being punished for such, or is this a sign that I forgive and forget?

I have forgiven but have not forgotten.

The pain is not anymore there. I have lived and moved on quite well and I guess, there is also the acceptance of things.

I believe that sooner or later , a better J will emerge. A person who will wait and understand the idiosyncracies of my mind. I do not know, But maybe that J will be the one who will be willing to stay with me in my old age - or would i be unfair and selfish to impose on it?

Again , I do not know. The life that lies ahead is uncertain. For a single person, it is a possibility. The uncertainty, that is.