My Emancipation

My Emancipation

Wavering, I bravely faced the inevitable

of realizing that anger will do me no good.

And true enough, I have been emancipated

from the negative vibes that come with it.

Though not yet complete, I shall still endure

As I did for the last eight months of being angry.

When the time comes, when the realization is over

I shall be willingly to forgive even if not asked.

For the moment, I feel no more anger nor pain

despite the trauma that it did cost me

Then, I lived a life from a daily existence

Now, I look at life towards a better tomorrow.

And I am starting to see rainbows again

with its radiant colors teeming in front of me.

I may be in the middle of my mortal life

but I vow never to be hurt nor be used nor be sullied again

I vow that I shall learn to love as I love and we love

And accept that that love can be lost in any manner possible.

For the meaning of this wordly existence can never be complete

without the opposite being felt to create the equilbruim.

I have emerged from this triumphant, not downtrodden

For it is beckong a new lease on life - a new beginning.

A new journey , A new set of experiences

A rebirth. A homecoming. A welcome change.

That I can truly say that I have come back from reality

And set my foot clearly on the ground, just like a human.

As we need to all do. As humans.

My Dilemma

My dliemma

I am a polygamous monster. I am incapable of loving only one. I have the capacity to love more than one and carry

on a relationship with more than one.

Will that make me a rather despicable person? Will it reflect my low morality? Do I have the "moral ascendancy"

to be part of this group?

My life , you already know. My life, mysterious as it seems, is as transparent as everyone else. Predictable. Ratonal.

Intellectual. Malandi.

But i know that I ran counter to the natural laws of love. I am not monogamous. And I am not afraid of saying so.

That is life.

My Loneliness Part III

My Loneliness Part 3

I wish I could disparage the thoughts of evil men so that I can prevail over the frustrations. I wish I could be ominipresent so that I could sustain my thirst for life. But I am human indeed and I am doomed to fail , once in a while.

Why do I have to wait on longing for something that would not even come? Why do I have to drown in despair for something that is not even mine?

I saw the foreboding and I intentionally ignored it. I saw the signs and I looked the other way. I am blinded by the power of love that it does not augur well for my well-being. Am I now in the midst of cleansing stage that I have to unburden before the rest of the world so that I can be whole once again?

My sadness is silently creeping into my whole being. My inadequacies are resounding. I do not anymore know which is the way to go. I am nothing. I am chaos. I belong to the void.

My Loneliness Part !!

My Loneliness II

I have been found guilty of expressing an emotion that should not have been expressed in the first place. And when I so choose to tread on the path that will again beget a conflic in my life, will i rise up to the challenge and meet them head on?

I am forlorn because the more I feel love for a person and the more I give way and understand even if it is not reciprocated, am I crazy? Sad, because I choose to capture the rebound. Sad, because I know that thru experience, it will not lead nowhere. Sad, because I am beginning to fall again.

I hope that my loneliness is temporary. I hope that I will eventually get out of this denial stage that I can truly love a person for whatever worth it is. Sad, because I choose to feel the pain and not the happiness. Sad, because I choose to follow the dictates of my heart rather than the logic and the rational.

My Loneliness Part I

My Loneliness

I am about to commit the same mistake. I know that it is wrong but the feeling is stronger. Call it the temptation. And an ongoing battle is ensuing within me. Who will win? My mind or my heart?

I vowed that I will not let myself be hurt again. And here I am, practically toying with fire. Am I not that strong enough? Do I not have the strength to control that emotion? Am I a willing pawn? Do I become weak? Do I succumb again?

Questions! Questions ! I know the answers but I do not want to follow them. The call of the heart is powerful. The shouting is louder. The vibration is tumultous. I am about to erupt. Like a lava, it is slowly burning all that it touches. And like hell, I am forever damned.

I am lonely. I am very sad. My loneliness stems from an unsatiated desire to be with someone very far to reach. I am depressed. I am anxious. My loneliness is deep. I am an old man. A lonely old man.