Emphasis on Focus

As a Scorpion, I have been described by colleagues as praning and very obsessive in getting things done. More so in my personal affairs. The distinct trait a Scorpion can have is his passion. In little things. In big things. In petty things. Moreso, that Scorpions treat life as one big drama, stubornly clinging to an ideal that is full of sparkle and confusion. Dazzling, ika nga. A roller-coaster ride of emotions, happy and sad combined. And when it reaches the zenith, one comes down to earth, faced with reality as one should.

In the twilight of my golden years, I have not yet come full circle. I may have achieved some but I feel not yet complete. I still have to take my MBA. I still have to get my second car. I still have to have a house. I still have to do my first published essay. Marami pa.

So what do I still lack? Focus. I am waylaid by so many things in my mind. I have to take them one by one so that I can accomplish something. And why do I lack focus? Because I am already tired and drained, so to speak. Bakit? I just wanted to give up on life and retrogress. Ewan ko ba, this latent depression is very persistent. I feel awkward pouring all of my pent-up anger here in this blog that I may bore many. But I do not care. The blog is my space, my universe, my safety net. My diary. And I am sharing this with all of you.

Focus may sound so easy to achieve if one is determined. But I am not. I would like to take on life so easily. I want life to be a bed of roses. Pero d puede. Ako nga alam na alam ko na pero di ko pa ginagawa. Stubborn nga kasi. Tamad pa.

I don't know how long can I keep on going this way. Maybe this is a stage. Andropause stage, perhaps? on reaching middle age? Siguro nga. Leaving my youth behind, I am still in denial.

But then, kahit anong deny ang gawin ko, andyan na ang pagtanda. D na maiiwasan.

ang buhay talaga!!!!